Dear Heart

Sunday, May 25, 2008 |

Dear Heart ..

Its been so long since we had a conversation without fighting at all. I guess theres no more need for me to tell you how much i miss talking to you.. and you talking back to me.. agreeing.. or Following.

What now dear heart?

Do i need to remind you of the things that i witness? Well, Maybe i do..

We were born the same day. The moment u started to beat was the moment i started to live. When we were younger, you were tough, but no more than though you are you remain to follow me and everything i said, you ackowledge that even we are the same in influence, i am at the top, therefore i rule over you. I have guided you for so many times and i prevented you to be hurt or be broken by anyone..It is my conscience that pulls you always to be right, to be smart and to be the girl that everyone wants.

As we grow older, ive witness that you are starting to keep secrets from me, when infact you cant but you still do..Do you remember that boy you kept for so long till highschool? you've always believed that he is the most ideal person to deserve you, when i know for sure he does not even love you, not even like you,Yeah even if he don't know he broke you into pieces you remain to be inlove with him..and whenever you feel dissapointed at some guy, to save yourself from breaking again, you come back loving him..You are a fool dear heart.

At college you fell inlove with your bestfriend, i guess that when you experienced everything firsthand, well i have to admit that i thought he was really the one for you. You were very happy, so even if i know that he is less than you can deserve, i agreed with you that time, i know there are a few flaws and time can change that. Then again it was a big mistake that you loved too much you even forget what im saying. You sinned so much and left me out, you shut me and pretended that i dont exist..You were cruel but then again, how can i not understand you, you were in love.

When he's starting to stray i told you that he stopped loving you already, but you kept hanging on to him, you loved him even more in the belief that you can win him back. When he's struggling to get out you locked him in, when im shouting at you the truth, you remain in denial, you remain in pain when you have the option to be free, you very well know that i cant do anything for you if you wont follow me, i was helpless seeing you bleed completely i cant do nothing but watch you cry all night and hear your prayers that i know even God wont answer. I was so tired of reminding you to hear me.. then you started to decide by yourself, something you know isn't right, but u still do, i have always been above you, but at some point, you made me feel worthless.

When he told you the ultimatum, i know how desperate you felt trying to change everything, but you are not God, and amongst all hearts in this world, youre not the only one hurting. So you are left with nothing, I guess i have to thank time and coincidence, or God if he truly exist, you've been forced to make a choice for yourself that swinging for your own benefit. To go..

Shall i state the obvious once more? Well you remained stubborn, this time you loved someone you can't even own, Ive been keeping you awake all night to realize the sin you are about to make, and to realize the kind of life you wanted that seems impossible with him, You denied my opinions so many times i was about to give up, But im happy in the end you chose to follow , if not mine, then everyone's say about you having him, or him having you as another woman. I can't rest my thoughts in the truth that you can break a family just to get what you want. Was it really love? or Just a desperation to be loved and belong after your failed long time relationship? Anyway, fate butted in, you learned it by yourself without my help and Now Im glad you are out of it.

What now dear heart? I know you felt alone and i know you are beginning to like someone we dont even know yet, but can you take a broken heart before love? can you risk the truth and remain loyal after? you have always been very loving at some point its already irrational, how can you love someone you dont know in real life? how can you be so stupid dear heart?
You've been keeping me silenced for so many times already, but now i cant help but let it all out, I can sense that you will be hurt again if you dont stop, that you will cry again if you wont allow me to help you. Illusions can only be real if you're the only one looking at it, at my point illusions remain illusions until time or actions make it real. You Love too much and i know you have always want everything to be true, you don't live in fancy, thats one thing i like about you.

Dear Heart, time will come that one great love will find you, there will be no senses needed to tell you its the right one bec we will know, both of us, not just me, and definitely not just you. By that time i can prove you, im not here to contradict you like you always believe i am.

I hope by now, you learn that i can't neglect you completely, for when you cry, i loose myself, when you break, i die.I have always wanted you to be happy, but happiness isn't all there is you can deserve. There's so much in this world that could make you or break you, luck , love, success or failures. They come and go as they please and when you allow them to beat you like hell then they would. When you are at your weakest please realize that my voice will pull you through, i may not be able to mend you but i will give you the best decisions to help you stand and live the life you are meant to have. I can't live without you, please realize the same goes for you.

When we are all in one body, How can i not care ?

Thoughful Mind