That thing you call Age

Friday, December 12, 2008 |

How old are you?
I was often ask this question, i know i don't quite look my age, they said i look younger wahahah. But really, is there anything i should be conscious about my age? Im 28 so wut? atleast ppl claim i look like 22 (wahahah for the win!)..
I have never been more concerned about ageing until recently, and to be honest i nvr wished so much to be younger until last Month..
Okay, so it was my choice after all being in the middle of this dilemna. I have my way out and no one is deliberately keeping me in, but heres the catch, i chose to stay, even at the fear of wuth things may bring behind the bliss of a relationship with a generation gap.
Defining age had not been very frustrating for me since then, but, i remain hopeful and positive believing that happiness might be really on its way even if its 7 yrs behind.
Crossing my fingers ..

Play AruaRose

Monday, October 27, 2008 |

Yes!
PLAY my Game, I have been a long running player of one of the most stable Rose Online International Private Server, ARUAROSE..

Been there since the High Rate (Hebarn) Server opened and am still there, some people already quitted and i remain standing there.. whoa, Arua if Fun, believe me i have tried laying other servers and its just nothing compared to how Arua is.. the dedication of the Staff to improving the server is immesurable, the number of players is quite unbelievable..

Come Halloween, everyone is expecting a new patch, as it equates, new patch = better reason to play arua, new patch = new excitement.

I myself have been enjoying it, but like real life, you need to work on harder to get what you want ingame. To gain something out the available reasources ingame is one thing im good at, farming. Thats the way to make money and to get the gears you desire for your Job, by the way im a Full time Cleric.. my name game is xHiRaIa, and i belong to the Best (its overrated in know muwahahah) clan in the Server..

my aruarose character (xHiRaIa) with her leet clan: DontEvenTrip


Play AruaRose now, and see me ingame, let;s have fun, destress and meet new friends be a part of the world's most loved game, RoseOnline.

Click here to Register to AruaRose.

Back

Saturday, September 20, 2008 |

Im back :D

After a long hibernation from blogging i guess im ready to write again, been quite some time since i last wrote sumthing here and i missed it for real. A lot things happened in the past months, i dunno why i prefer to be silent and all, not my usual behavior when im extremely lonely. Well, not that i am already recovered or so, but i guess i have more than recuperated from the fact that some things in my life cant really go the way i want it to be.

There had been disputes in Arua that broke my heart, i left Rewind and joined a Pinoy clan, got more annoyed at how things were going around and of the rumors i heard, i joined DET out of nothing and immediately got invited the next day..I stopped farming and im terribly missing it so once in a while i farm charms too, check on Kera but i never farms the other Bosses, i have completed all the factions sets and sold most of them, i already earned pretty big money from being actively doing quests, running here and there waiting for shouts. I made a new cleric as per Jayt's advice, a dex cleric for that matter, unfortunately until now she reamain in 208Lvl.. i was trying to level Todd too but when the new cleric starts soloing in prison i stopped party i reserved Todd for Marsh of Ghost.

Edwin stopped farming a few days before his birthday, he left me, things have changed now, or he changed and that totally broke my heart. Everything that i am now is just what left of somebody desperately trying to forget him. And im not having a great time. And im not doing good because im still crazy missing him.
DET is fun more than i thought, but Rewind remains the best for me, i had the best of everything in Rewind, but well, it never ended well for me. DET promises better tho, nicer clanmates, Leet people from different parts of the world, Life seems easier with DET, i was a lot appreciated. The people i used to aaoid during farming is in the same house as my new cleric now. Jayt is cooler than i thought and the rest of the people more friendly than i expected.

the new hira

Im actually close to hibernation, i have sold almost all the sets, the raiders and the scout and all chrs edwin and i made are on the full stop now, i sold everything i have and left only the set for the cleric, the AAW which i treaeure so much might bne disposed off too, dunno yet but until everything is cleared then i might have to finalize my decisions when to give it up. After all i can always find a better wing should i decide to go addictus again.

ROHAN

Friday, July 4, 2008 |

I hated hearing this game in the first place, its the game that took my clanmates away, hmmp! But i gave a second thought, there might be sumthing in Rohan thats really nicer than what Rose have, after all, if most people in rewind loved it, why cant I? So i Dled Rohan, after 3 tries i made it 6 hours WTF but i made it finally. i spent 4 hours of a day on Rohan, i enjoyed it, i was not rushing as i want to be familiarized with it, i wont leave myself any question since im a noob in that game, I was happy with the result, its not as hard to play like Perfect World. Honestly i enjoyed it.However my friends cant play it, Edwin cant play it and i guess even if he can he wont. Lalaine too, and Myra.. So its not nice at all for me to learn that i will be leaving them in Rose alone, i Stoped Rohan at level 13, and i will continue it once Edwin, lalaine and myra decides to play too, until then, i either quit or lay low playing rose. But i kept Rohan waiting, after all its closed Beta, and things will still change once its officially turned over to market for business.
I still recommend Rohan its nice, graphics and gameplay are amazing :: www.playrohan.com
heres a pic of my avatars in Rohan :D

Ofcourse, Hiraia will continue living here <3

Accidentally Sent

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I dont mean to i swear its sitting in my drafts folder for almost 2 weeks when i reopen my mails and breeze through it and boom what the heck did gmail do ? i sent it? OMFG. Honestly, after realizing the biggest mistake i did i feel like blowing my head off, i want to die, its so humiliating omg! omg! omg! omg!
Well, i stood still in composure but deep inside i wanted to drown from where im standing, then finally out of courage i txted him about my mistake. And he read it, yeah, i dunno how he reacted to that but maybe just laugh at it, i guess he wont believe it anyway.
But its true, no matter how funny and how impossible it seems to him, theres nothing in that letter but pure love and honesty..
Heres how it goes..

28 years of my life and im doing for the first time, yeah never realized that i would come to the point of writting this, but i know i have to do this for myself, anyhow much shame on me bec i know this will stay in drafts forever but somehow i just want to tell you your real position in my life..

I got no idea how to say it right, but i know it is as pointless as keeping it unsaid bec i know very well that you dont love me back. I know i should not be telling you how much you mean to me and i know then again you will equate this girl to stupidity for loving someone she dont even know in reality. It is not easy to betray your own reasoning your own liking and what your heart tells you, allthemore it is not easy to feel the silent rejection, bec its more painful than the brokenheart i had from my past relationship.

I know what you're thinking about me but let me correct something, Men, they come and go in my life and some dont even make impressions to be atleast remembered. Im not desperate and i can live without men to look after me.If you wanna learn the truth, XXXXXXX (edited) i tried to be his girlfriend, and i did, and im good at keeping my obligations. I needed him, but i did not use him to get over with Macky, maybe yes i cared for him. But between you two it was far beyond compare.

Enough defending myself as it wont change anything..

True that i dont intend to be hurt again, but im old enough at this to realize that when you love someone you give them the ultimate right to hurt you, i think thats given. For some reason i cant remember exactly when u started to hurt me err (rephrase) For some reason i cant remember exactly when i started to love you.

Im sorry Edwin bec i loved you when i should not have, bec i loved you when you were just good to me, bec i loved you when i know u cant love me back, bec i love you when you can never ever be mine. But im okay i am strong right? And bec i love you i want to hear good things from you, i want you to move on from your brokenheart, i want you to live a happy and good life. Yes, It will hurt me to know that you love someone else, but then again pain would be temporary, bec i love you i want to know that you are happy.Believe me bec its true when i say that I have never loved someone selflessly as much i do to you, not with Neil, not even with Macky.

Men come and go in my life, You will remain here, you taught me so many things i never learned from my past relationship, you never seize to amaze me with your wit, you are one of the kindest heart ive come to know,and i always look up to you, i always follow you, not bec i love you, but bec you're just one great person who deserves much respect and love more than you thought you do.

Dont think that i expect you to love me back bec i dont,im too old to live in fancy, edwin will never ever love me, and it hurts but i accepted that already. Someday my feelings will change into something, someday i will love someone else, but i wont rest till i know you are already happy, bec i will never ever get tired of caring for you Edwin.

Someday i will laugh reading this letter, maybe just smile at the taught i once loved you. When that time comes, i hope we are both contented and happy with our lives.

I love Edwin Sing Tan - Thats one thing permanently added to my lifes story. Something that will always remain a part of me.

sorry better luck next mail wahahah .. ^__^

Ive been in rewind for a long time now and i miss my friends so much, i have to admit Rewind is dying but me and Mina are doing the best to keep it alive, xRewind is grade 5 now, its quite an accomplishment for me as i put too much in upgrading it from 5k clanpoints up to 75k cp, was never absent a single farming day, always at command always the one deciding where to go who to kill, who to call, when to begin, where to stop, it was tiring yes, but it was fun more than all other things i have in my shoulders. Keeping both clans active is hard, and keeping the reputation is as even harder than keeping the Rewind culture alive if the masters that set the standards are away. I long to see Rewind alive and strong even after i quit but i have a hunch that if mina and i lax, rewind will surely die.
If i could turn back time, i wont miss a single war, i wont miss a single line in clanchat, for all we know whatever we have now is just sumthing fate lends us for a day and will be gone tomorrow. if only its possible, then .. Rewind pls..

Missing Julie

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Its July, i can never think of anyone else when i hear this month but only one name :Julie. My bestfriend Juliza whom i lost contact with for a long time now, I miss her so much. i hope we get to catch up with whats hot and not with our lives. Julie wherever you are contact me, you know how, i mishhh u like hell..






Hey advance Happy Bday :D (july 8th) ... <3





Finally Bux.To !

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Yesterday, i received my payment confirmation from Bux.To finally clicking paid off, nows the beginning, wut is Bux.To btw? Bux.To is an online Program where in you get paid for clicking and viewing their sponsored ads. Its not spamming because it does not go to your email's inbox, rather, you need to visit their website, create an account and click it from there.. A normal ad cost 1 cent per view, a free account can enjoy an average of 10-13 ads per day, premium accounts have more, and rates vary too!

to get paid like me click teh link below to register : >> Bux.To

Now I Know

Sunday, June 15, 2008 |

how it feels when ...

.. you whisper i love's to yourself cause u cant tell him
.. you smile at him even if you're in pain
.. you wanna go away and yet u feel like dying missing him
.. you love and not get the same kind of affection in return
.. you exist in him only as an online character, not a real girl
.. you want to be with him but you cant
simply bec he doesn't love you
.. you have to move on, let go, even if u never had him at all

.. its more painful than loosing someone you previously own..

Now I Know ... :[

Dear Heart

Sunday, May 25, 2008 |

Dear Heart ..

Its been so long since we had a conversation without fighting at all. I guess theres no more need for me to tell you how much i miss talking to you.. and you talking back to me.. agreeing.. or Following.

What now dear heart?

Do i need to remind you of the things that i witness? Well, Maybe i do..

We were born the same day. The moment u started to beat was the moment i started to live. When we were younger, you were tough, but no more than though you are you remain to follow me and everything i said, you ackowledge that even we are the same in influence, i am at the top, therefore i rule over you. I have guided you for so many times and i prevented you to be hurt or be broken by anyone..It is my conscience that pulls you always to be right, to be smart and to be the girl that everyone wants.

As we grow older, ive witness that you are starting to keep secrets from me, when infact you cant but you still do..Do you remember that boy you kept for so long till highschool? you've always believed that he is the most ideal person to deserve you, when i know for sure he does not even love you, not even like you,Yeah even if he don't know he broke you into pieces you remain to be inlove with him..and whenever you feel dissapointed at some guy, to save yourself from breaking again, you come back loving him..You are a fool dear heart.

At college you fell inlove with your bestfriend, i guess that when you experienced everything firsthand, well i have to admit that i thought he was really the one for you. You were very happy, so even if i know that he is less than you can deserve, i agreed with you that time, i know there are a few flaws and time can change that. Then again it was a big mistake that you loved too much you even forget what im saying. You sinned so much and left me out, you shut me and pretended that i dont exist..You were cruel but then again, how can i not understand you, you were in love.

When he's starting to stray i told you that he stopped loving you already, but you kept hanging on to him, you loved him even more in the belief that you can win him back. When he's struggling to get out you locked him in, when im shouting at you the truth, you remain in denial, you remain in pain when you have the option to be free, you very well know that i cant do anything for you if you wont follow me, i was helpless seeing you bleed completely i cant do nothing but watch you cry all night and hear your prayers that i know even God wont answer. I was so tired of reminding you to hear me.. then you started to decide by yourself, something you know isn't right, but u still do, i have always been above you, but at some point, you made me feel worthless.

When he told you the ultimatum, i know how desperate you felt trying to change everything, but you are not God, and amongst all hearts in this world, youre not the only one hurting. So you are left with nothing, I guess i have to thank time and coincidence, or God if he truly exist, you've been forced to make a choice for yourself that swinging for your own benefit. To go..

Shall i state the obvious once more? Well you remained stubborn, this time you loved someone you can't even own, Ive been keeping you awake all night to realize the sin you are about to make, and to realize the kind of life you wanted that seems impossible with him, You denied my opinions so many times i was about to give up, But im happy in the end you chose to follow , if not mine, then everyone's say about you having him, or him having you as another woman. I can't rest my thoughts in the truth that you can break a family just to get what you want. Was it really love? or Just a desperation to be loved and belong after your failed long time relationship? Anyway, fate butted in, you learned it by yourself without my help and Now Im glad you are out of it.

What now dear heart? I know you felt alone and i know you are beginning to like someone we dont even know yet, but can you take a broken heart before love? can you risk the truth and remain loyal after? you have always been very loving at some point its already irrational, how can you love someone you dont know in real life? how can you be so stupid dear heart?
You've been keeping me silenced for so many times already, but now i cant help but let it all out, I can sense that you will be hurt again if you dont stop, that you will cry again if you wont allow me to help you. Illusions can only be real if you're the only one looking at it, at my point illusions remain illusions until time or actions make it real. You Love too much and i know you have always want everything to be true, you don't live in fancy, thats one thing i like about you.

Dear Heart, time will come that one great love will find you, there will be no senses needed to tell you its the right one bec we will know, both of us, not just me, and definitely not just you. By that time i can prove you, im not here to contradict you like you always believe i am.

I hope by now, you learn that i can't neglect you completely, for when you cry, i loose myself, when you break, i die.I have always wanted you to be happy, but happiness isn't all there is you can deserve. There's so much in this world that could make you or break you, luck , love, success or failures. They come and go as they please and when you allow them to beat you like hell then they would. When you are at your weakest please realize that my voice will pull you through, i may not be able to mend you but i will give you the best decisions to help you stand and live the life you are meant to have. I can't live without you, please realize the same goes for you.

When we are all in one body, How can i not care ?

Thoughful Mind

I Mean It

Friday, May 23, 2008 |

Madness ..

Why Not ?

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Hiraia is me.
Look she's crazy kissing someone else's boyfriend ahahah.. Hira is going crazy .. so am I.

a kiss is great when u least expect it..
althemore when it comes from me. ahaha.

Collecting Trashes

Friday, May 16, 2008 |

O.o
Nothing.
Out of boredom i arranged my vendors storage, and this is how it looks like after ..
then page 2 ..


see.. im collecting trash .. i still have a lot in other chars..i stopped aranging when i started to feel lazy. ciao ^_^













Getting To know Hernez

Monday, May 12, 2008 |

Yeah you guessed it right >> I'm bored. Well Hebarn was down since i woke up this morning.Im left with nothing to do so i kinda manage to twix mah blogger !
Honestly, ive been wanting to do some things like this in the past but im a little busy, or pretending to be busy. LOL.
Lets get you to meet my friend.There. Thats his character r0sn3z in Arua Hebarn, he is also known as K1ngofDeath to Rewind, currently he's playing on his farmer scout now QuickThinker, but he's already levelling his power scout iROSNEZ, that will for sure, be soon a part of Rewind. Coz, just so you know Nez Owns! <3
Well, apart from being close ingame, i haven't really seen Nez in person, until last night he posted his pic in Friendster which i immediately saved to my photobucket. Im really happy to get to know him closer this time atleast i've seen how he is as a real person, not just an online character.

My First Looties

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This is late but does it matter? Five days ago i looted my first Zephyr Falcon (slot) and BTS (slot) .. There should have been a Skullbreaker (slot) also unfortunately my client dced before i even pick it up. It was a loss but im still happy.. Thanks tons to Kera and Vaga for droping nice to me. All in one day.
To be honest, im loosing hope on Amaziah having badluck with Boss drops, but i proved myself wrong. Finally, farming paid off well, when Edwin said he really created Amaziah because it bores him that i only have Hira as cleric, doing nothing but buff and support.. Well its so nice when i gave him the ZF slot im sure he's not expecting that althemore when i traded him also the bts slot..
Luck came my way. I love you Amaziah <3..

Download the Client Now and Play with Me

The Mystery of Tears

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T____T <<-- in chats they use this symbol to connote sorrow, or to cry. It's so used widely in games and online. But in real life, i doubt it.. So lemme ask you, do you have the courage to cry? In my experience, a vast majority of people I encounter seem to suppress their tears because our culture deems crying in public as unacceptable. I wonder how it is that if you and I are to fully encourage success in life that we can also discourage our emotional response to that life. It seems to me that inhibiting tears somehow means that you’re strong and capable; unaffected by and disconnected from the influence of others. What I'm suggesting is that to detach from others is to be invulnerable to one’s self; to be invulnerable to your whole being, your whole life, and your whole good.

Not crying when you really want to is not risking but choosing safety. To withhold your tears, whether painful or joyful, is to choose the gray fog of indifference to yourself. That, my friend, is the definition of neglect.

In my own life, I used to wish I wouldn't cry. My propensity for tears was always beyond my control. I couldn't stop myself and yet, I didn't want to cry. I didn't want others to see my pain or to know that I was lacking in confidence and self-discipline. Most of all, I wanted to hide my feelings because I associated them with my mother. I thought her tears were a sign of weakness. I thought her emotional waves were the reason my father left us. And if there was anything I didn't want, it was more abandonment.

I once believed that my ability to feel life so intensely was my greatest liability. And, once I had a baby, it only got worse. I could cry at the drop of a hat and ultimately I stopped fighting the tears. I cried at home, at work, in restaurants and at meetings.

Then one day, a mentor of mine explained the true meaning of emotions. Its translation entirely shifted my willingness to cry without judgment. She told me that the word emote was Latin in origin. She said that E stands for I and MOTE stands for MOVE. Emote means I-MOVE. And the more I cried, the closer I moved towards the authentic me.

etting go is so much easier to do when you understand that tears are the natural response to being provoked, excited or stressed. That's why tears come in so many flavors: relief, joy, grief, anxiety. Through tears, your body seeks to regain the balance that so many of us need.

So go on, let it out it and begin moving toward the personal prosperity within you. Open the door to your heart by feeling what's there and keep that door open to all the goodness that may enter into the space you've created inside. In the words of Washington Irving:

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief… and unspeakable love." My challenge to you is to simply feel what you feel, in real-time, with real purpose. I encourage you to remember that anger is merely a mask for sadness and need not be directed at others or yourself.

Need to be Inspired? Click here Peace Movie

Rewind Porch

Saturday, May 3, 2008 |

Its unofficial but yeah, theres a certain spot in Xita Rewind members love to hangout, we call that Rewind Porch ^__^


Rewind : L-R (Lepou, Chiz, Lina, Mau, Jule, Walkz, Hakee, Eat)
only a few.. some are vending

back view from my scout ^__^




First Summer Rain

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Its is summer and its absolutely hot even at night, but today it rained.. Its a change, a drastic one, from being humid and dry and all becomes moisty, cold and shady.. Cant do much on a rainy day.. But I liked it.. Ive always loved the rain. Not that i am lazy but i just wanna curl up and hug pillows and drown in bed during a nice cold day. Now i know its gonna be different for me.. Rainy days gets me down as always but this time, emotionally..
Like the valentines or new year or Christmas, i cant help but think, how nice it would be to have someone to hug and warm me from the cold breeze of the first summer rain.

Looking Back: April

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Haahaaa..
Im just bored, i guess i just wanna look back and check my activities last April. What did April bring me?
April - I use to hate even hearing this month. Ask me why? My first Boyfriend who is now a friend (demoted.. ^_^) had some flirtgal that goes by the name April. Well.. not a good memory to look back but i forgive her already so its fine now. Well not that im too busy i just dont normally account the things that happened to me, anyway life happens to me in such a breeze i never even have a checklist of my own goals and dreams.. But i have dreams lmao.. Simple hardly possible dreams.
Going back..

Last April >>

  • Macky send me a business card with his number . It was more than a surprise because that was beyond impossible.
  • Reality bit me and i woke up from some illusion i have always believed. I realized the trauma that creeps over me and the fear of another useless fight. I started to feel distant to someone i called hubbey.
  • I got some chance to get better gears for my cleric her int 520 became 526.
  • Patch 810 of Aruarose a very big milestone for my most loved online game.
  • Every Night boss farming with Hector and Elisha. Yeah i eventually got used to calling him Ed or Edwin, well he said once how much he love his name and i LOLed on that.
  • My cleric left LastWish Clan and joined Rewind and i never thought that this could really happen. They were nice and they really protect their members, I learned to go to wars whenever im needed or just whenever im feeling lazy to do anything.
  • Ed made a knight that we can use for Charms farming thus KingArthurII was born ..
  • Ed and I made a new Raider for Kera farming llllAvEnGeRsllll he leveled slow to farm lisents CR in temple B2 and eventually speed level to catch up some fixtures tended to be done come patch 811. Amando thank you so much. ^_^
  • Hiraia my cleric maxed to 215 too, and i think she just deserve, bec even as pioneer i never had the chance to max my Hira on PRose or on Ruff.
  • Prior to being Maxed, llllAvEnGeRsllll looted his first Zephyr Falcon drop. slotted (yeah baby !!)
  • Soon Edwin realized that the new raider seems weaker than before it was reseted so we made a new Raider by the name Amaziah.
  • Amah Speedlevel too to catch up on EXP madness due to Arua's Birthday event. 215 now yey.
  • Arua's 1 year celebration at the Adventurer plains and WTF cake hat ^__^. Thanks Matt.
  • Now back to my reality, we lost a very important person in our lives, i have to admit that no matter how big this change was, i never had the courage to write it in my blog (just yet) i am not in denial anymore because i know that wherever Lolo is today he is much better, no more pain and no more suffering.. sometime in the future i will write about my real feelings concerning his death. Sometime..but not now.
  • Hubbey is back ingame but we rarely talk, we fight at the most stupid things and i just grew tired of feeling bad. Unconsciously i drifted away, Mau, not Hira but Me.
  • Nez closed some deal and i painted it dry for him. I learned that he trust me that much and i really appreciate that.
  • OMG Nez stripped his raider (i hate this idea) and QuickThinker was back in game much stronger in his 5/20 set.
  • I finally met Roy again .. well, i will possibly write an article about this because theres too much feelings drowning me having him as a topic.
  • One night, I nearly had myself in danger .. sorry but i cannot much elaborate
  • Amah is now 215 and has completed his g7 set. We are still farming.
  • Amah joined Lastwish so we could farm Sockets in Eldeon CF in a party with Elisha. No luck just yet.
  • I was feeling sick most of the days ending April, but im doing well atleast im not bedridden or sumthing.
  • Edwin have new plans to make a baby cleric and me to create a baby mage.. Have'nt started yet >,<
Wheeww !
Its quite tiring hahaha, but its nice to look back sometimes.. Goodbye April.

Nowhere

Wednesday, April 30, 2008 |

Love ends, love begins..Might be love for yourself or might be for someone. When you are the one on the other side of the relationship and you are the one left behind, to let go is suicide, to forget was beyond impossible, for some, even to forgive was quite difficult. Ask me about it =D.
But lately i realized that love no matter how great cannot justify the truth, it cant erase the past, love no matter how godly, cannot predict the future. And its but smart to see love as real as it can be. For when you love, you want it happen, not just some fancy. True Love never fade, but love does.
To be honest, its quite sad that i have to learn things the hard way. But i guess its better than not learning at all and be remained trapped in the past i so long to remain existing. "Moving on" have always been one of the most pathetic phrase i believe to be hypocritic in nature. And yet i held on to that until i was out of misery. I was in denial. Was.. It was the past.
Believe me when i say that loosing someone is not as hard. well atleast you experienced being loved..only that, love has to end.
Whats more painful is when love begins, but loving is one sided, although Love is not selfish and true love does not ask for anything in return, some love just needs to be reciprocated. Thats when broken heart begins, even before love happens. Its so depressing to love someone who don't even see your existence or who dont even feel the same. Love spillage, its a waste.. But it is one challenge to get some affection back the least to get a nice good friendship. To make it or break it, they said.. But its all on you. It might be just my illusion or just some weird need to feel important, well ive been through both sides of breakups.. and now im in the middle i know where i want to go but i cant, being prevented by the thought that he sees me only just like a sweet loving friend.
Feels quite the same. But different at the same time. Summary: It Hurts.

Feeling Sick

Sunday, April 27, 2008 |

Im feeling sick and yet im still taking pics.. Im' a certified cam whore ^___^ .. OWNED ! haha

Thoughts

Monday, April 14, 2008 |

If you worry about piling up a bunch of tomorrows,
You'll wind up with a lot of empty yesterdays..


- Ink- Links, Hallmark

Since Patch 810

Sunday, April 13, 2008 |

GMs summon showcase on DOD entrance



Hunting Kings with Elisha and Hector

(Elisha joined LW already)

First Step on Eldeon CF with LastWish


A Visit to Clan Forever Farming for Grade 5



Meet Me Halfway

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The past experiences taught me that to love and be loved is the greatest thing you can experience in your life. If Loving is Giving, then Loving is also Accepting, but you have to meet halfway, otherwise, it is not love.. Either It is Obesession or Slavery, or both..

- mau

A Missing Light

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I just got On.. finallyyyyy!!
Sucks .. grrr
I dont have Net most of the day, im missing the LED signifying that Internet is OK. Yeah i did called the customer service hotline already, but it still frustrating, i got so much to do.
They say to powercycling the modem is the first trouble shooting step.. and yes i did that like a hundred times already.. and since its summer i would have guess maybe its so hot that the IC in the modem melted or sumthing.. ahh i tried to cool it down but it wont, not so quicly, well i put it in freezer, really..
I connected it back cold like a dead mouse as it came from the fridge, sadly, still missing that one LED, well as i get annoyed in each and every outcome of tirelessly turning on and off.. i realized the importance of one line. "One for all, all for one".. Just one light missing and its totally not working. =(

New Family

Monday, April 7, 2008 |

Rewind..

They took me in.

Thanks to amando and lina.
Rewind.
My new family.

I did not go there because they were grade 5 or because of the clan beach (infact i haven't been there yet). Im just really looking for a new clan.

Thanks Rewind for having me..

If there is one important thing that kept me (hira my cleric) with LastWish thats because the people are really nice. Xwe / XThey is one of the coolest CM i've known. I just really have to leave LW for some personal reasons hmm that i can't much elaborate. But, should a chance be given, i would really want xThey to continue LastWish and not sell it or something. Its a clan full of nice and peace loving people.

Well i still dunno which clan will take me in, but I'll do my best, welcome new friends.

On Track

Sunday, April 6, 2008 |

Last night, i received something in my phone i dont really expect, not ever..
Gosh. Am i absurd?
Its a business card with my ExBfs number on it, well it came from the same number, and i dont quite understand why, when i thought that the very last thing he would like to happen is to communicate with me and be a part of my life again.. When we decided to go separate ways last November, ive been constantly telling him that i would like us to be friends in the end, and he refuses that, so was under the impression that he totally want me out of his life.. Well, now that i am over him i can grant that easily, but then, him, being a part of my life for almost 10 years, i guess it cant easily be taken for granted.. now, i believe that its true..True Love does not fade, if theres a need to let go it only changes form, but love is love and no matter what kind of love we talk about, in the end, to love is still to care.
Still i thank God, despite the heartbreak and despite the pain we inflict in each other including our families. I hope we can really be close like how we were 10 years back. like 10 years back... There's no need for romantic love. Remembering and caring is more than enough.
I guess, we're on the right track.

Summer Heat

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Waaaaaaahhh ..
Its so f*cking hot in the Philippines!
Well its summer and its so humid, so bright and so colorful. Haha, Im being retarded LOL , the season is great but unlike other people, i don't quite love summer. I love beaches, i like water, i like space and i like the solemnity of the sea. But summer isn't all about beaches, summer also means .. Super Hot afternoons, high fluctuations of electrical bills due to non stop use of fans and airconditioners and most of all.. more fat and calorie intake due to constant addiction to twin popsies.
Its so horrifying how childish i am, trust me i woke up this morning so frustrated bec ive been walking a long time under the sun sweating and thirsty and having a killer migraine.. When i opened my eyes and see more sunlight touching my forehead from that position in bed, I got even more irritated. Lol , it was just a dream, waaa.. sunlight stalks me bad grrr.... >__<
Well summer is here, and like life itself, seasons change. May summer bring me something good despite how much i want it to end.

That thing called Kindness

Friday, March 28, 2008 |

They say .. "Kindness is your inner smile" , is it ?? That maybe subjective, however that may still apply to most..

"Beauty, unaccompanied by virtue, is as a flower without perfume."
-- French Proverb

Virtue is an "old-fashioned" term that means moral excellence or goodness. A virtuous person possesses certain character traits, or values, that society considers worthy of admiration. Honesty, compassion, courage and kindness are some of the values that make us good in the eyes of others.

Like a flower with an pleasant scent, people who exhibit virtue in their daily lives attract admirers. They are respected by their friends and family, valued by their employer and embraced by their community. They make the world a better place. People who are beautiful on the outside may be pleasing to look at, but people with inner beauty leave a sweet fragrance in the lives of everyone they meet.

Of all the different values a person can possess, kindness is a special quality that generates tremendous power. It uplifts heavy hearts, brightens dark situations, heals hurt feelings. Hatred and anger are no match for the power of kindness. And perhaps best of all, every act of kindness gives you a warm glow in your heart that nothing else can match. You are best to yourself when you are good to others.

Being kind doesn't require much effort. In fact, the smallest acts of kindness often mean the most. Letting someone go ahead of you in line, writing a note to a discouraged friend, offering to do a simple chore for a family member - kindness is a gift of great value that costs you very little.

Kindness is an excellent measure of your how big your heart is as a person.

Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.

-- Ian MacLaren

Be Radiant : Smile =)

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What? Smile ? Yeah Just smile ..

Like a flower with a pleasant scent, your smile can draw people close enough to see inside you. That's Smile Power. A smile has the power to radiate the qualities that make you beautiful on the inside - kindness, friendship, honesty, respect, patience, and self-control.

What is the best way to walk into a crowded room by yourself? The answer is simple: take something very important with you - a smile.

Wearing a smile when you are among strangers is the best way to invite them to get to know you. A smile sends a message that you are friendly and easy to like. It tells people that you have a positive outlook and that you are smiling and attractive on the inside. Your face is the first thing people look at when they meet you for the first time, so why not let it advertise what a great person you are?

Give smiles away like flowers. Let your smile be an invitation for others to get to know the great person behind the smile. Then let people see that your smile doesn't stop at your mouth, or at your eyes, or at your lips rather, It goes all the way to your heart.

It is sometimes said, "Frown and you frown alone," "but smile and the whole world smiles with you." The whole world? That may be a stretch, but a smile can be incredibly powerful. Wearing a warm smile can draw people to you, put others at ease, and even cheer you up.

So If you meet a man who has no smile, give him yours ..

The Rose Within

Friday, March 21, 2008 |

This is just a short story i found somewhere, err i found it from spams .. I loved it therefor i made it a part of my precious blog. Lol.

A certain man planted a rose and watered it faithfully and before it blossomed, he examined it.

He saw the bud that would soon blossom, but noticed thorns upon the stem and he thought, "How can any beautiful flower come from a plant burdened with so many sharp thorns? Saddened by this thought, he neglected to water the rose, and just before it was ready to bloom... it died.

So it is with many people. Within every soul there is a rose. The God-like qualities planted in us at birth, grow amid the thorns of our faults. Many of us look at ourselves and see only the thorns, the defects.

We despair, thinking that nothing good can possibly come from us. We neglect to water the good within us, and eventually it dies. We never realize our potential.

Some people do not see the rose within themselves; someone else must show it to them. One of the greatest gifts a person can possess is to be able to reach past the thorns of another, and find the rose within them.

This is one of the characteristic of true (note: i added that bold one) love... to look at a person, know their true faults and accepting that person into your life... all the while recognizing the nobility in their soul. Help others to realize they can overcome their faults. If we show them the "rose" within themselves, they will conquer their thorns. Only then will they blossom many times over.

The Best Expression of Love

Monday, March 3, 2008 |

The importance of things can be measured by how much time we are willing to invest in them. The more time you give to something, the more you reveal it's importance and value to you, if you want to know a person's priorities, just look at how they use their time.

Time if your most precious gift because you only have limit amount of it. You can make more money, but you cant make more time, when you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. Your time is your life, that is why the greatest gift you can give someone if your time.

It is not enough just to say relationship are important, we must prove it by investing in them. Words are worthless. Relationship takes time and effort and the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves. Men in particular often don't understand this.. Many have said.." I don't understand my wife and kids. I provide everything they need, what more could they want?".. They want you! Your eyes, your ears, your attention, your presence, your focus - your time. Nothing can take place of that.

The most desired gift of love is not diamonds or roses or chocolates. it is focused attention. love concentrates so intently on another that your forget yourself at the moment. "I value you enough to give you my most precious asset - my time." Whenever you give your time, you are making a sacrifice, and sacrifice is the essence of love. Jesus modeled this.."Be full of Love for others, following the example of Christ who loved you and gave Himself to God as a sacrifice to take away your sins."

You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving. "For God so loved the world that he gave ....".Love means giving-up, yielding your preferences, comfort, security, goals, money, energy or time for the benefit of someone else.

The best use of Life is Love, The best expression of Love is Time, The Best Time to Love is Now.

Expectations..yada..yada..

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Complains.
Thats whats in my head right now..
Questions.
I want them answered, but can be..
I have to wait, further..
I always wait..
I'm so good at waiting or I guess that what they believe..
Because actually i'm not.. I hate it, but there are exceptions and sometimes you cant direct yourself to just ignore, i guess when you love, you wait..
Duhhhhhhh ...
Grrrr.. >_<

If you're important to someone follows great expectations.. Why is that? Maybe because you think that they won't hurt you or maybe because you believe that they just want the best things in life for you like what? Luck, Love, Joy? Maybe you are wrong. Because If you love someone you are giving them unimplied right to abuse you with expectations, the very least to neglect you. Thats one fact, when you love someone, you're giving them the right to hurt you.. thats just simply because of "Expectations". I guess when you believe you are important to somebody you have high hopes, an anticipation of the future upon which something excellent is expected to happen or atleast something good or atleast nothing.. Ive been waiting long.. Too many times. But because i love, im also getting worried, because im human im also getting tired, and because i expect, i am also getting frustrated. Well, They say that Patience is a virtue. Give me more if you have it, or else i will end up, not minding at all, When that happens, Can it be called my victory? Winning over expectations.. Loosing that love within me?..

Lovin' March

Sunday, March 2, 2008 |

LOL.. Lemme start it it with a laugh LOL, i've gone crazy.. huh..my blog is becoming more like an online diary. But does it matter? its my blog right? and people visit my blog to have a glimpse of whats happening to me, to know my thougts, to laugh on some of my crazy cracks, to listen to my music and for some to steal my pictures. haha. (that was the real joke) LOL..
Well, Its March already, finally..
I love March simply because it polishes every bad things that happened to me last month.. Talking about February, I dont know but i think this month hates me LOL.. because most (if not all )of the bad things, most depressive events happened to me in that month..To name a few..My previous relationship actually started and ended February. My first "friend" gave me so much heartaches that for some reason always falls in this month.It was love month and yet this is the only month that i actually dont feel too much loved, imagine your bf saying I love you to someone else on Valentines Day?. woot.. that's just one, and there's still a lot but i have no intention to reminisce them for heaven's sake..Feb is Gone..Hello March..
Okay, so as i said in my previous article, I was truly born early morning Feb 29, but my parents chose Feb 28, that being the closest in terms of time interval.Sometimes i was thinking, what change could have been if i was born March.. but then again, i know im too smart to realize that stupidity.. Nothing..
I can say that during this month i cater my cards down, organize my life, make decisions, fix whatever needs to be fixed and leave any that needs to be forgotten..This is how i view March. For me March is a turning point for all my mistakes in the past year, its a deciding period for all my failures. If you're sensible enough to read me as a person, you will realize that i view my birthday (Feb28) as the ending..And i view March as the beginning..
March 1, 1980. Thats my first completed day as a human. this is when i could say, i lived.. and not "i was given life", not "i was born", and definitely not "i become alive".
March..
I had so many plans that started in March, but recently i planned one thing in February, (something for March) that could have changed my life.. that being the case, made me excited so i opted to prolong, it was unexpected, as i actually plan it to be executed come March 1.. But i did, Feb 14.. U__U..Too bad, i was not emotionally intelligent enough to realize that i was not ready.. So it ended before even March. I regret that to the point that i want to turn back time even if February would extend, but then again, it cant be.. right? Whats done is done..Time passes by, and there are things that just need to happen.
March is here anyways..A new year for me starts now, a new life starts now .. If you've wished me a happy birthday before, that was to remember the day i was born, that was past tense..March is Today, Onwards is my Future..So cheers for me, bottoms up ... To life, to love, to luck.. to Mau!

Emoing

Thursday, February 28, 2008 |

I've been through a lot lately..
I dont know maybe growing up does not really take an overnight, me, being naturally stubborn learning really takes time, i guess, because the more i see it the more i deny it, its because my heart is just too big to accept it.
I was on the bus heading home from Cubao, i just signed another job offer. Luck is coming my way, It should be, its my birthday, I should have started in tthat company 3 months back, unfortunately i chose to work closer, therefor, i went for Eperformax..
As i was heading home, im feeling a bit emoional having my music player maxed on.. Feels good to let it go, anyways, nobody would care, im at the rear part of the bus and the windows are adorned with thick draperies, so i just let it all go, everything im feeling and somehow it made me feel better.. being in tune to what you feel, not preventing yourself from remembering people associated with the songs you hear.. Accepting it..all of it..happiness, longing,pain embracing every experience at the moment .. acknowledging their existence..
Life..28 yrs of me.
It was a long movie, but it was worthwhile to remember it.. yah just remember it, never live on it..

Just wish me a Happy Birthday

Monday, February 25, 2008 |

My Birthday is almost here.. except that its a special day for me because its the day i was born or the day that made my parents happy, other than that, maybe thats just one ordinary day.. But heres the catch.. how many people on earth were born on a leap year.. Lol, because i was..

Yeah.. i was told i was really born early morning of February 29, and since my parents would prefer me to be more likely "normal" i was registered in Pasig Municipality under February 28.. since that was the closest.. more or less..
Theres nothing really special about that day.. actually i thought that this will be one memorable birthday for me.. but i guess i can only hope for the best at this moment..Even i dont know where to go right now. I am confused with my own life and i dont know which turns are wrong..

Since November, I was fearing that this day would come that I'd be alone.. and i guess i would really be..Well, its my birthday anyways..so i guess I just have to live the fact that being alone that day would be okay.. On my birthday i wont take my phone with me, even if i know i will be rained with calls and greetings, i will reserve this time to myself..Enjoying myself, loving myself since no one does...
Where will i go? grr I got limited budget.. i just lost my job didn't I? But where? Ill go abroad hehehe or ill go to zamboanga and play roseonline in Edwins computer shop, maybe ill go to Bataan to meet Lalaine and her cousins..Maybe i'll go to Roly's and spend a day in the pc shop with his friends. Maybe ill go to Elbi and drink all night with our badminton friends. or Maybe ill go see old friends and enjoy a nice Mary Kay make over.. Maybe i can also go to Tagaytay myself, walk walk and walk until im so dead exhausted. or i can go to Cubao and take the next trip to Baguio, or maybe i can go Star City alone and ride all the stuffs that i fear of. Or maybe i can go Batangas pier and take the earliest boat going Galera.. or the cheapest ferry going to Calapan, heading home to Naujan..

Where..?

Maybe also i can ask MrMouse extra money so i can buy a ticket to #*@@$ (decode that if u can) and hug one person then go back home. Maybe go to SG and take all pictures of myself everywhere. Or go to Bev in HK and have tea in Kowloon House..
I really think i deserve something for myself on that day.. but what??

Everything is so limited.. i feel like im in a cage but unwanted.. I wanna go far and i wanna be in a place where no one knows me..where i can cry and no one would care..i can laugh and go naked and no one would even bother to stare.. Where i can shout freely, carelessly, never minding any spectacles around..I wanna go to a place where i can leave it all.. The pain, the longging, the misery, the love.
I think i deserve that right? if not always, well atleast on my birthday..

Im turning 28, and im still the same,childish me, im still the same me..Nothing good is happenning in my life, and i felt like the career im best at is being addictive to despair.. I wish that day would come and pass, because on that day i will again be reminded of how beautiful life is, excluding my own..

Well.. Just wish me a Happy Birthday..

Pie's New Phone Photos

Saturday, February 23, 2008 |

Uploaded to Multiply..
Here are the photos (samples) uploaded from my sisters's new clam phone..
Ofcourse since thats her phone, some are her photos, some of photos at home, in the office, int he room, in the bed and of course yours truly.. hehe .. Indulge!



Thats my sister .. Pia Marie,
ganda nya noh, she's younger
than me,she's 24 now.. oh she's a blogger too.. Some of her pics were taken from the office with her friends, some in our house while playing with our dogs.





Thats her trying to get my dog out under the table, she could not get her out, so she went herself down the floor.. see.. my Miki obeys only me.. you can only have her obey you if you have something to give her,or if you can give a nice scratch to her ears . bad doogie..hehehe



Then here i am, again lying down the bed hehe, why are my pics taken from the same spot? you might wonder why.. thats because the room's color was either too bright during the morning or too dull at night so thats the best place to give me the nicest color and effect. other than that im too lazy to even bother sitting or standing. .. again, thats me smiling on my own, 1.. 2.. 3.. Click!









HiRaIa's Hubbey

Tuesday, February 19, 2008 |

Look, there he is the man behind Intelasus, Hebarnian mage of AruaRose, a private server that rise after Prose's falldown. He used to be Mistermelo of Prose, rather Luvaboi for everyone.. Yes he is Neil my bestfriend online, He is Nelson Lopez Ungson, 23, chickboy (hahaha lagot ako neto) , a very sweet and thoughtful person, and a good songer too.. He was once special to me (ehem..). But Im glad. That we can remain to be close friends. With Neil, Ive seen a perfect mirror of myself. More than 3thousand players in one server and you met someone thats gonna be an important part of your life.. Isn't that amazing? Do they call that fate? or destiny? Aw.. diba i never believed in destiny? diba i abhor fate? well.. cguro when i met him online before, its just a preparation for me to realize something.. i met him years back, but too bad because my realization came in about 4 months late..


smile for me ... i like it when i laugh, because he smiles, the suplado smiles . finally..


He scares me.. Really he had the most suplado voice I've known, minsan nga i dunno where the Luvaboi is diko mafeel, but.. he has his ways to make up for the distance.. He was sweet, pero pangalawa lang sakin.. hindi nyako kayang talunin.. nyahahaha.. I courted him I did not allow him to court me.. because i want to be special i want him to remember me as the only girl who courted him nyahaha may sira na yata ako nun.. Im so childlike that i always wanted to be remembered.. but my ways are effortless naman, ganun yata talaga ko palibhasa iniwan ako ng dati kong BF at nalink sa kung kani kninong asawa ng may asawa, ina ng mga dalagang ina at Premiere Girls ng opisina.. ganun cguro tlga naguumapaw ang lambing ng isang tao kung nasupress ng mahabng panahon, hindi mailabas ng mahabang panahon..
But.. we know its gonna be against all odds, kaya eto kahit naluluha na naman ako tumatawa prin ako, kasi parang may mali.. ah cguro tama .. msakit lang talaga.. Neil thought me how to be strong. Need i say na he was my salvation, he took me out of a broken heart that ive been yearning for a long time.. And he gave me another one (nyahahahaha, lol, its hurt u know).
Kidding aside, Im Happy that he loved me. I have no regrets meeting him and knowing him..Ooops, Im not one of the Girls.. I dont want to be included in the list.. Im Just simply his Baby, and he my Hubbey..

The Best I Love You

Thursday, February 14, 2008 |

girl to boy

how many i love you's have u heard?
how many girls have you heard them from?
i assume theres many..
thats why..
my thoughts are tumbled
seeking the best combination
to say "i love you"
and to mean it, the way no one else has
i may truly be selfish
bec i want to be the best
being remembered as the best
loved with at your best
so i seek
what will melt your resistance?
what will bring your devotion?
what will win your heart?
should i whisper it to you?
should i cry my lungs out?
i am desperate to find the rightest
and yet simplest " i love you"
a combination that will keep you forever..
.. believing.. hoping..loving


boy to girl

Ive heard so many I love You's
from girls whom i loved and left
yes, there's many, even more
thats why
my thoughts are tumbled
seeking the best combination
to believe, and say "me too, i love you"
and to simply mean it the way you do
i may truly be worthless
bec i aint one of the best
not even known a bit good
But i love you too.. no less
and so it came
Your simplicity melt my resistance
Your honesty captured my devotion
Your love won my heart
Theres no need for whispers
Cause For you I'd cry it out
In you i found the rightest
The most adorable meaning of love
A combination that will keep me forever..
.. believing.. hoping ..loving


Love Letter

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I don't have the habit of imitating love letters, somehow this one's an exemption.. I like this very much as the flow of thought was never jeopardized for creativity. it may seem simple when you first read it it ..may seem shallow, but theres more into it..


1 "The great love that I have for you

2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you

3 grows every day. When I see you,

4 I do not even like your face;

5 the one thing that I want to do is to

6 look at other girls. I never wanted to

7 marry you. Our last conversation

8 was very boring and has not

9 made me look forward to seeing you again.

10 You think only of yourself.

11 If we were married, I know that I would find

12 life very difficult, and I would have no

13 pleasure in living with you. I have a heart

14 to give, but it is not something that

15 I want to give to you. No one is more

16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are not

17 able to care for me and help me.

18 I sincerely want you to understand that

19 I speak the truth. You will do me a favor

20 if you think this is the end. Do not try

21 to answer this. Your letters are full of

22 things that do not interest me. You have no

23 true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,

24 I do not care for you. Please do not think that

25 I am still your boyfriend."


So bad!! However, before handing over the letter to the girl, the boy told the girl to "READ BETWEEN THE LINES", meaning-only to read >> 1.3.5.7.9.11.13 (Odd No.'s) go read it once again but the Odd Number lines..

5 / 20 Courtship Tips For Women

Sunday, February 10, 2008 |

I
Only consider courtship at a time in your life when you are ready to consider marriage. Until that time–foster the virtue of friendship and hold off the romance until you are really ready for it.
II
Only enter into a courtship with a man whom you would consider marrying. A woman might consider “just” dating any guy that she’s attracted to as long as she has no sense of long-term commitment. The problem arises when she’s grown attached to him after a period of time and can’t bring herself to breaking off the relationship, even when it’s not good. She may end up marrying a man that she otherwise would not have. Set the stakes higher–only court with a man you’d consider marrying.
III
Enter a courtship to discern whether or not you are called to marriage with a certain man. Courtship is dating with a purpose. If you know that you would not consider marriage with this man, or you are not ready to consider marriage yet, then don’t enter into a courtship. Stay friends or acquaintances for the time being. Courtship is about prayerful discernment, which means you will decide either that God is not calling you to marriage with this man or that He is not. Both outcomes are valid in a courtship!
IV
Take time through prayer to discern God’s will. You need to foster prayer in your lives individually and as a couple. You can not know God’s will without prayer.
V
Base your courtship in the family: As much as possible, spend time with each other’s families. This is so important–for if you do end up married, you’ll want to get along. Family is an invaluable resource and such an integral part of who we are. You will learn much about each other by seeing how each other relates to family members. And your family, in turn, can give you much insight about the man with whom you are courting (and his family, about you!) Family sees things we don’t always see. Love can be blind at times–family (and friends) can really help to correct our vision. If you are far from family, make every effort to get home and spend time with them. And in the meantime, adopt a family (friends from Church, for example) to provide for you all the benefits of a family-based courtship.
Taken from CourtshipNow.Com

General Cleaning

Tuesday, February 5, 2008 |

Nobody's Girl.
I am .. as nobody owns me now, neither do i own anyone, i am free, and i choose to be like this until the right time comes or until the right person comes. I won't look around, i will only go forward, for ward, forward, no more side steps, no more turns, no stepping backs ..
Hope lost me, so i let go of hope .. But i am filled with something different hope cant even outwin. This time i'll let God work for me .. I have a strong desire to forgive, forget and wish for an ideal relationship with everyone, even with them who left me, even with him who hurt me.. I can only see the best things now.. Funny, last night was very short for me to realize that everything has no sense at all when it took me two years (or more) to hold back ..
From now on, I'll be stepping out of his shadow, and let me begin by cleaning the clutter here in my blog, Neil needless to say i should remove our pics because i have already done that a few hours ago.. Ive returned his password to his friendster account, i've returned the key to the apartment, i've erased his number from my celphone, his email from my YM, his and his family's contacts from my Chikka, i've deleted his character in Aruarose, i've done all the possible way to completely erase him from my present life..
I'm trying to live out of his shadows now.. or even before since i left elbi, but only recently i found the courage to leap longer not just merely step forward.
I know i can't be wrong doing this.. how can i be? When it feels just so so so Right !

Once alone in Ayala Ave, Ive met a long lost schoolmate .. I'd be honest, i was surprised because he was totally different from how he was when we were just "kids" .. It was a short five minutes, we were both waiting for a cab, him going to Market Market, and me off to Pacific Star.. I was more surprised when he mentioned, having felt sorry for me.. i would not be able to guess why, but he mentioned that he sort of read some from my friendster profile, some from my friendster blog and some from here .. I was flattered lol.. and even at a short five minutes time we touched so much things, considering we haven't seen each other in the last 15 yrs. He was so different from the way he was before. And in amazement i just stare. It was an extremely nice change. Before I hailed the cab approaching, he took my celphone from my hands and typed his number quickly, made a short call to his own cel to get my contact details, gave me a quick kiss on my cheek and said he'll see me some other time. I never said yes nor affirmed nor refuse, I just smiled..
As i was near the corner of Buendia, i received a msg from him.. "Love Yourself More.. You are one lovely creature to be living with a broken heart.."
And as i get off the cab infront BPI Buendia, i realized, Yeah .. if i cant find love, well then I'll let Love find me..

Emptiness , All There Is

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Y__Y
I Don't Know..
Maybe Im just really the emotional type, considering what im going through. This is the first time in 8 years that i will be celebrating Valentines day without somebody. LOL, do i even need to celebrate it?.. My friends say it doesn't matter, not even half of the world enjoys the day, and im part of more than the other half, therefore i may not have somebody, but, i have everyone. LOL whatta consolation..
Honestly, even in the last 8 years, I never remembered spending Valentines day with a Bang.. Talking about luck.. Never had that in my past relationship. Not even a memorable heart warming and feet sweeping Valentines day, what a misfortune.
February 14, fast approaching now, i feel so empty, but i know that deep inside i am extremely lonely. And i know its very shallow, but as each day pass by, i'm getting more and more stressed and i know its showing, i am very irritable now and my patience is down low, im getting tired at simple things , i cant sleep and i feel very sick. Maybe, I am in denial, just trying to be happy when i am truly not, or maybe im trying to cling to the past i am used to, even if i know there wasn't a blissful moment to recall.
Im tired of fearing the holidays, im tired of feeling empty, im so so so tired of being lonely..

Picture Picture Picture !!!

Saturday, January 26, 2008 |

One Tanghali nagtrip kami ng sister ko magpicture picture, eto po ang lumabas pero konti lang ang picture nya dyan kasi po, shy sya heheheh. and dahil blog ko to at hindi kanya kaya puro ako toh.. hehehehe. luv you


Hays pagod..


Sad =( sad =( sad =(



candid nyahahaha


fallen angel (yeah)


look beyond my eyes


Hola hehehe


Without Make Up


Am i Right?


Huh, No Signal?


My sister Pia and Me


Must Sleep .. Y__Y


Pucker those Lips baby!! hehehe





For More Pics Visit Mau at Multiply - http://mauieghurl.multiply.com/photos

Memoirs : Feb 21 1999

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Feb 21, 1999 (pic date)

LOL. Look at me >__< .. so young... well we are both very young then.. He was my bestfriend and partner in everything, he was my protector, my constant admirer and yet he was my deepest agony, my most painful struggle, my dream, my inspiration, he was the source of my happiness, my strength, he was my weakness, my most sensitive piece, he was my music, my thought, my wisdom.. He WAS . He isn't anymore and will never ever be.. Im glad ..

the unbeatables
pyke, icee, anjo, ehmei, mau, julius, rb, shalom , ges



SHE SAYS...
If you see me walking the road with someone else It's not because I like his company It's because you're not brave enough to walk beside me If you hear me talking about him all the time It's not because he pleases me It's because you're too deaf to hear my heartbeat If you feel me falling in love with someone else It's not because I love him But because you're not there to catch me fall If you feel lost, I am nowhere too I don't know where the road is going Are we gonna cross each other's path? Or just completely turn around? Will we just let go of what we had Or go to the place where love is bound? Don't let me walk with him It's you I want to walk with Don't let me talk of him It's you I want to talk with Don't let me fall in love with him It's you I want to fall in love with...


HE SAYS...
When you though I wasn't brave enough to walk beside you I was behind you every step o f the way Still filled with awe because of the beauty that stands before me When you thought I was too deaf to hear your heartbeat I didn't want to assume anything And I was afraid to lose our friendship When you thought I wasn't there to catch you It's because you never gave me the chance You never reached the bottom, you've already grabbed a branch If you feel like nowhere, I am lost too I don't know where the road is going Are we going to turn around, Or we gonna cross each others' path? Will we just let go of what we had? Or go to the place where love is bound? Don't let me walk alone I want to walk by your side Don't let me talk with someone else It's you I want to talk with Don't let me fall for someone else It's you I want to fall in love with.