Freakin' Heartbreak

Tuesday, December 4, 2007 |

Even after so many things that should have thought me how to be tough, i still feel weak, i still have so many questions and still hope for something that seems impossible..
Im so puzzled.. Until now, I dont understand the essence of loving and getting into a relationship, if not for a lifetime.. if humans have different capacities in intellect, why cant loving be an exception? Ive read so many self-help articles, even bought a book, isolated myself and seek professional help, ive prayed. Yes, i do.. People said that my mind is closed and i should accept the fact that after nine years its over, theres no more us, accept that the love i used to believe in the past 9 years is now an illusion, well infact i do, but then again, i cannot let go..
“Hearts break so it could open up for a new one”, catchy.., i read this line printed in one of the books i saw one time while strolling the mall, upon understanding the author's real thought i felt inspired and said to myself that he must be right, yeah.. but only after an hour of continues strolling a realization came to me like a conscience speaking, negating, contradicting the author's opinion – hearts break because somebody must have broken it, it opens up because somebody gets out of it.. you can call it a broken heart if it hurts, if it does not you call it freedom- but then again were not talking about freedom – we are talking about broken heart. For a moment, that authors opinion gave me a bit of hope..But i now realize, its just a consolation, after all, nobody whose entered a romantic relationship would think of it ending nor want it to end. No matter how healthy and good an experience broken heart can give, be real, nobody wants to be hurt nobody wants his/her heart broken regardless if it opens or not.
I thought that im doing well, pretending im okay, im not hurt anymore..
I have so many questions but it all boils down to one generalization – that right now nothing can really make me feel better but myself and my own will to move on.. so many questions and yet the answers are just here – in my is so simple and yet i cannot comprehend.
Gosh..Why am i writing something like this in my blog? when infact i know i wont get any answer and even if do.. will that be strong enough, encouraging enough to lift my spirit just for a few that line i saw a few days ago?. lifted me up a few hours, made me think that there's something joyful for me to look forward to..
Waaah, Im so helpless, i wish this will be over soon God knows how tired i am getting hurt, waiting. Hoping, doing my very best to let go, im doing something now i cant find the courage to do a year ago.. God help me..
Oh my Freaking Heartbreak HuuuShuu!.. Let Me Go.


Joel said...

Try doing activities that interests you and something which you planned to do but was kept aside due to the relationship.

I've also suffered a heartbreak(every normal human beings does!) and the process was painful but looking back now I feel it was the right thing to happen.

Cheer up and expect the best no matter what!

kopidunia said...

9 years? That sucks. been there, done that, 8 years in my case. It'll heal, but it may take some time. Meanwhile, enjoy your life in the blogosphere :-)
Kopi Dunia

M Junaid Khan said...

wanted to say things but i think for the first visit i should keep my mouth shut and my hands tied.
Hope to hear from u sometime.
M J k

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